I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
