If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
