I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
