I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
