Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
