If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
