"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
