that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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