dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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