It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
