if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sorry about my life...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
