im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Randomize
