I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
