he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
