is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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