Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
