direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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