I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
