you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He called his prostate his "boner button".
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
