toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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