He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My ATM looks so different sober.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
