Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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