You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
