Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
