I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
