she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
