if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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