Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
