Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
