Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
