Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
