Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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