He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
