Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
