i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
