You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
