The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
