so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
