My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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