Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
