How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
