Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Randomize
