fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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