3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
