i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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