Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
