i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
