At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
