im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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