how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
