there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
