somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
