How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
