So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
