Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
