I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
