well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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