Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
