It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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