This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm passing your future prison.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
