so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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